September 2023 - "Baby C"
I'm not entirely sure where to begin with this event, so I'm just going to dive right in to the most impactful event of my life so far. It's hard to describe what I mean by this, but this event has forever changed who I am and how I feel, more than any previous event in my life. While I was able to bury the feelings from my previous two losses, I have had a much harder time with this.
In September of 2023, Sean and I found out we were 6 weeks pregnant with "Baby C." Though I was happy, the feeling that weighed on me the most was my anxiety. All I wanted was a successful pregnancy. That being said, I tried to keep my emotions mute, as I worried about getting too attached too quickly.
We did the usual; booked our 8-9 week ultrasound, switched over to "pregnancy" on my app, and watched my diet and health. We had already started a great routine of going to the gym five days a week, so I was starting to feel more confident in the health of this baby. The events below take a sudden turn, unlike either of my first two experiences.
On September 15th, I woke up at 3 a.m. with a stomach ache. I figured I just needed to use the restroom, so around 3:30, I got out of bed. I made it to the toilet and started to feel a bit uneasy. Suddenly, I became lightheaded and I began dripping sweat. I felt cold, but sweat was beading down my forehead and stomach. As my vision blurred, I yelled for Sean. (Thank God, he was up instantly.) I ended up completely losing consciousness and falling straight into him. (I will withhold further details of this specific moment, and why we chose to head to the emergency room.)
When we got to the emergency room that Friday morning, we ran through some tests that they thought may have caused me to pass out that morning. They did something with my head and something with my heart. I hadn't thought to let them know that I was pregnant until after those tests. So, we ended up having to wait an hour or so until they could bring an ultrasound technician in.
Once she got in, she preformed the ultrasound but would not share any of her findings with us. She stated that the doctor would need to look over the results and that he would come back and speak with us. I immediately felt anxious about this, but thought maybe this was just standard procedure. We waited an additional hour or so for the doctor to share the results.
No, we had not miscarried.
Instead, we had something called an Ectopic Pregnancy. (No joke, my brain instantly flashed back to an episode on a doctor-show that had touched on this before.) In summary, the baby that was growing inside of me had gotten stuck in my right fallopian tube--never making it to my uterus. When this happens, the baby MUST be removed or the mother can die. This is because the baby would continue growing, and eventually the tube would burst, leading to death.
As the information was being shared with us, I truly didn't feel much inside. We were told this must surgically happen today, due to the events that had transpired and how far along I was. We had driven to the closest ER, since we did not know what was happening. Unfortunately, they made us transfer to a different ER where the same doctor who had performed the D & C on me could perform this surgery on me as well. After being transported to the second ER, we were told what would be happening. The goal was to cut a little slit into my right tube, and flush out the tissues inside.
However, during surgery I bled into my abdomen. The surgeon was unable to stop the bleeding, so additional measures were taken. Instead of saving my right tube, they removed it entirely, then cauterized my uterus. On paper, the surgery was a success. The tissue was gone, my right tube was gone, and in turn, I was baby-less once more.