As it's my anniversary today, I found it fitting to update everyone on where we are at!On September 27th, Sean began administering shots into my abdomen again. These are known as Lupron shots and are used as an injectable fertility medication that helps prevent premature ovulation. (As stated in my last post, I have been put on and off birth control so the doctors can control my cycle. But this really messes up my body, therefore the Lupron shots are needed to ensure the doctors are still in control.) We ended the Lupron shots on October 8th. 

Following our egg retrieval process in July and August (featured in a separate tab,) I entered what was called the Wash month, or recovery month. During this process, no medications are administered besides being put back on birth control. The doctors do this, to monitor all aspects of my cycle- therefore they're in control of it. I must say, being taken on and off birth control, and going from injection medications to nothing, really messes with ones hormones! YAY!

It's been a while since my last post because I encountered some hiccups that needed to be taken care of prior to continuing our journey. I regularly have heart palpitations, so the doctors requested an echocardiogram and stress test. I needed to wear a heart monitor for a week, where it was discovered I have Supraventricular Tachycardia (SVT). Additionally, my heart skips beats and stops when I'm sleeping, so I will need to get a sleep test done. That being said, we are FINALLY at a starting point. 

Do you ever have those days, so consumed in thought that you're completely withdrawn? Driving 40 minutes to work and not knowing how you got there? Enduring another restless night's sleep full of racing thoughts, rapid breath, and blurry vision?

On Friday 1/26, Sean and I went in to find out the results of our recent cycle. Unfortunately, my follicles were growing on the right side (confirming that my right side, is my dominant side.) Though initially, I had the plan to try this method a few more times, we found out that this method is no longer a viable option for us in this fertility journey. 

As I sit here, tears streaming down my face, I try my best to write and find comfort in this blog. However, I'm filled with unbelievable frustration. For the second time, the fertility office has sent me detailed notes on my lab results that aren't completely positive. I received an email this evening stating that my FSH has "increased quite a bit." So, naturally, I began my search on what a high FSH could mean. I'm frustrated that the nurse wouldn't just wait to give me this information at my already-scheduled appointment on Friday. As I checked my notes from May of 2023--our first fertility appointment-- I wrote the following: 

Thursday 1/18, was the start of my second cycle on Femara-- an alternative to the very common fertility medication known as Clomid. Due to my AMH being high, I was put on Femara instead. To start off that morning, I needed to get a "baseline ultrasound," that would ensure everything looked clear. Once receiving the "all good," I was sent to pick up my medication, which needs to be taken for five nights.I've been a bit anxious about the medication because during the first round, I felt awful-- I had daily migraines/headaches and was almost at a constant state of dizziness. This time, I've only had the dizziness.On Friday 1/26, I will be going back in for a follicle ultrasound, that will tell us if I am ovulating on the left or right side. If I'm ovulating on the right side again, it was a waste of another thousand dollars--which is really tough to swallow. However, if I'm lucky enough to ovulate on the left side, then we have the go-ahead to issue the "trigger shot" and try to conceive. 

Following this traumatic experience, came a variety of different emotions. I immediately became frustrated with the system. As I was bedridden for weeks, I was trying not to focus on my last loss. My brain first focused on my frustrations with insurance. This surgery was not optional, yet cost us upwards of 10 thousand dollars after insurance coverage. How is that even possible? They charged us for obvious surgical needs, but insurance would not cover items such as "our necessary transport from one ER to the next." At the time, we were told that due to me fainting at home and being on the verge of fainting again at the first ER, we must be transported via ambulance. I specifically asked if I could just drive with my husband, as my anxiety was heightened. They told us no, and that was that. 

As I wait for our next cycle, I'm not sure if it does any good to be hopeful. I've turned more to praying in my day-to-day. I pray for God to take away my anxieties and my fears. I pray, of course, for some success. I have to watch my thought process on a daily basis. I'm worried about finances, I'm worried about being too selfish, I'm worried about my mental health--and in turn, my physical health.