So, where are we today?

Following this traumatic experience, came a variety of different emotions. I immediately became frustrated with the system. As I was bedridden for weeks, I was trying not to focus on my last loss. My brain first focused on my frustrations with insurance. This surgery was not optional, yet cost us upwards of 10 thousand dollars after insurance coverage. How is that even possible? They charged us for obvious surgical needs, but insurance would not cover items such as "our necessary transport from one ER to the next." At the time, we were told that due to me fainting at home and being on the verge of fainting again at the first ER, we must be transported via ambulance. I specifically asked if I could just drive with my husband, as my anxiety was heightened. They told us no, and that was that. 

I became so frustrated that during all of these "must do" actions we were taking that day, insurance was very little help. 

As my body started to heal, my brain was slow to follow. Every morning, I got dressed. Every morning, I saw the two scars left on my abdomen and one in my belly button. Every morning, to this day, I am reminded of what happened. Following this experience, I began suffering from NIGHTLY anxiety attacks. Every night, I'd get them so terribly that I thought I'd pass out again. I was so fearful of using the same restroom that I had fainted in--the one in our master bedroom. I was so worried that maybe something else was wrong with me. Maybe I did faint for a different reason, and they just happened to catch the ectopic pregnancy as well? I'd never experienced this level of anxiety before. 

Unfortunately, due to my poor timing, I missed my grandmother's memorial service. My husband and I had tickets to fly home ON September 15th-- the day of my emergency surgery. 
Additionally, I fainted once EXACTLY a week after my surgery. Therefore, I wasn't permitted to fly home the weekend after to say goodbye to my childhood home. 
Missing those two events, increased my depression and anxiety. I felt more alone. I felt increasingly upset that I was the one going through this. 

Time carried on. I went back to work, and finally decided to make an appointment with the fertility specialist again. Though we had not miscarried with 'Baby C,' we had lost our third child, and were unsure how to move forward. Our doctor let us know that 80% of women ovulate primarily through their right fallopian tube if they are right-handed. (I had always assumed it was a back and forth monthly switch-- right tube, left tube, etc.) I was wrong. There is really no telling when it goes from the right side to the left. Here is where we have more of an issue now. As my right tube is gone, I have a much lower chance of getting pregnant each month. It's not impossible, but this leaves only a few viable months that we can possibly get pregnant per year.

So, what are our next steps? We were given a couple options. The first option is more natural. We could take some medication that would help us produce more eggs, go in for regular ultrasounds to see which side my follicles are growing on (which would help figure out which side I am ovulating from), and then get what they call a "trigger shot" if I am ovulating on the correct (left) side. Unfortunately, this is not covered by insurance, and would be $1,000 each month. The "pro" to this method is a bit less anxiety and a more natural conception. The "con" would be paying upfront each month, with no telling if I'd be ovulating on the left or right side. 

(Side note: There is a higher chance of having an ectopic pregnancy once you've had one before. Why? This is due to the fact that my right ovary is still in place. If I ovulate on the right side, there is still a chance that the cauterization is not 100% secure, and that sperm could go through that side and find an egg, then implant in any scar tissue that remains. Any time I get pregnant moving forward, I need to go in for an early ultrasound.)

Our second option is IVF. I have a friend who recently went through the IVF process. We have had many discussions and she has told me many times that she would guide me through the process. That being said, I'm a bit frightened with this option, as I suffer from extreme anxiety. Especially following the emergency surgery. IVF is not for the weak-hearted. It takes peak physical and mental health. Is this something I could do?

Sean and I decided to try the more natural approach first. We would try the medication and intercourse cycle and just see what happens. My anxious brain immediately turns to the idea of potentially throwing thousands away for literally nothing. But the little hope that maybe I will ovulate on the left side, just once during this cycle, was enough for us to try.